"Texas Magnolias" by Caroline Gonzales

"Texas Magnolias"

Acrylic on Canvas

36in x 48in

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This painting is a part of a body of work created over the course of one year. Each painting is paired together with a creative writing piece created by Selina R. Ramos. Taking turns in response to each other every month. The writing below is the response to this painting.

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"Dear Dad"

Dear Dad,
I keep thinking about what I would say to you if I could see you again. Thank you for your love. Thank you for your wisdom. Thank you for your dedication to our family. I don’t know if I ever said these things to you in life. Looking back on our time together, I wish I had taken more pictures of you or written down some of the stuff you told me. If only I could’ve just followed you around with a tape recorder lol…hindsight. I just figured we’d have more time together, you know? I didn’t think grief affected memories. Sometimes I can hear you clear as day. You’re a voice, sharp in my mind. Sometimes your face is a blur in my mind and I can hardly make out your features. My heart quivers and my hands shake. I’m still standing in the reverberations of the cataclysm of my loss. It’s been hard to regulate my emotions. I don’t even really care to try most days. You were my calm. My peace. Whenever life was chaotic and I felt like I couldn't handle things, you were always there to still my mind. We would troubleshoot, find a solution, and I’d try again. Your love and your faith in me, I have come to realize, allowed me to bloom into the woman that I am.

If I could speak to you one more time, I’d tell you that your grandchildren are everything you
could have hoped for. Silly funny little things, they have your smile and they carry with them
your joy for life. Oh, Dad… being able to watch them grow is so bittersweet. I wish you were
here to see it. I’ve lost count of the number of times that they did or said something so
ridiculously cute or funny, and I immediately thought of you. I imagine what you’d say to me. “My sweet grandbaby” or perhaps, “You used to do the same thing when you were that small,” and then proceed to tell me the story. They ask about you all the time. He still remembers you and we sit together and I hold on to him until the feelings become less painful. She wonders where heaven is and if we can go visit you soon. She tells everyone she knows that she has a grandpa in the sky.

If I could speak to you one more time, I would tell you how much you are loved. I would tell you how sorely you are missed. I would tell you all the things that you are to me, and you would leave this world filled with the knowledge that you touched the lives of so many people. You filled our world with color. You are the inspiration that drives me and makes me the person I am today. Thank you, Dad.

Love Always,
Caroline and Selina